Are You Someones 12th Man

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My book uses football as an analogy for personal development. With the World Cup looming, which sets my heart racing just thinking about it, I thought I’d share a chapter with you.

This is taken from chapter 8 of my book – The Beautiful Inner Game

If you are a Norwich or Ipswich fan, you will remember quite vividly and with a smile, the time Delia Smith made an emotional plea to the crowd at Norwich city’s home ground, when the team were performing badly (I do remember those days most fondly!).

She cried out ‘Where Are You?’ to what is known in football as the 12th man – the fans, knowing the importance of cheering the team and creating an atmosphere of encouragement.

Over the 25 years I’ve been attending the matches at Portman Road, I’ve witnessed the impact of having the crowd in fine voice and also of seeing the confidence of players drop right in front of my eyes, when the home fans become agitated or reprehensive. There are many who say that the footballers are paid more than enough to be able to sweep all that aside, but they’re human and having negative comments or jeers thrown at you whilst you’re trying to concentrate, is not exactly helpful.  And yet, they’re expected to take it and play their best football, which they often do in spite of criticism – not because of it.

So what has this got to do with you? Well let me ask you this. Who gains from your successes, and how do you connect with the wider world?

Social media with sites like twitter, facebook, blogging etc mean we have a much bigger audience than ever before and the wider our contribution to society, the more responsibility we have to act with integrity, warmth, compassion and understanding. This doesn’t mean we have to be a saint 24/7 – just that we need to acknowledge what we do has an affect on other people, as well as ourselves.

All of us need to listen to feedback without getting defensive and I am well aware of the many ways in which people (including myself) show subtle signs of defensiveness, rather than gratitude for a constructive insight. Do you do any of the following?

  • Wanting the last word?
  • Justifying everything and so waffle on endlessly about the ‘why’?
  • Blaming or attacking, as best form of defence?
  • Agreeing, just to shut someone up?
  • Not listening and even walking away?
  • Sulking and holding a grudge?
  • Denying altogether?
  • Purposely pretending you don’t understand what the problem is?

If you are really brave, you could ask the people you love to give you some honest, caring feedback on how you could make the changes you need, to reach your full potential, and then listen without saying a single word. Try it and see!

When we finally accept that happiness and peace comes from something within, rather than searching outside of ourselves, the more we can become other people’s 12th man.

The truly confident and grateful will spend time being compassionate and boosting other’s self esteem, whilst those, that have yet to finish this journey, will be too busy searching in the wrong place and blaming everything else, to ever be a Champion of Champions.

Take a look at my testimonial page

to find out how I can help you to be truly, permanently confident.

How I help you to be Confident and what is NLP?

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I am asked on a regular basis about how I can make people more confident, what do I do and how does NLP work?

There is no quick answer to this so it’s not often I get to give the long answer.  I thought I would take the time to give more of an explanation.

My one to one clients are different from the bespoke programmes that I offer small business owners but eventually all will confide in me on both personal and business issues because I take a holistic view of their lives and check where they may need help.

Often people will come to me with what they think is the problem, when in fact it is a sympton of the real problem. I have been told many times that I unravel this in an uncannily speedy time! I think I’m just great at trusting my intuition, and often hear what is NOT being said.

Basically I use 4 main tools, although this is not the full tool kit;

A structure for the session including a main aim for the client in each one with action points to take away

The Wheel of Life in which to take that holistic view

Deep incisive questioning to make my clients more self aware and to answer stuff they have never thought of before

And Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

NLP has, in the past, been viewed with scepticism but for me my licensed practitioner’s course was the best thing I’ve ever completed, for my own personal development as well as helping to exceed my client’s expectations (90% say they didn’t expect to have such great results in such a short space of time).

So what is it?

Neuro

The nervous system, including the brain and the five senses and how we interpret the information we receive via our filters

 Linguistic

The verbal & non-verbal language symbols with which we code & transmit meaning.

 Programming

The ability to structure our neurological and linguistic systems to achieve certain results.

 The Fundamentals

1. Know what you want (Outcome / Direction)

 2. Get the attention of the unconscious mind and become more self aware

 3. Know whether you’re getting what you want (Sensory Acuity)

4. Adjust what you’re doing accordingly (Behavioural Flexibility)

NLP makes some presuppositions as follows. These are not necessarily true but can be very useful for successful communication influence.

  • · The map is not the territory
  • · Each person is unique
  • · Having choice is better than not having choice.
  • · People make the best choice available to them at the time
  • · Every behaviour has a positive intention.
  • · There is no failure, only feedback
  • · The resources the individual needs are already within them.
  • · The meaning of a communication is the response you get
  • · There is a solution to every problem
  • ·· Mind and body are one system

So what sort of people come to me? I have coached barristers, politicians, accountants, managers, executives, nurses, teachers, students, construction workers, housewives, brides to be, sole traders, service providers, architects, bankers, web designers – you get the drift!

I have helped them to be confident in communicating, networking, speaking, presenting, interviews, managing people, managing personal relationships, focusing, being more successful, happy, reducing stress, releasing their creativity and genius, finding their feet again after a setback, marketing, getting rid of procrastination to take action, and much more.

I do this face to face as a one to one, telephone, skype, group coaching or deliver an interactive workshop or a combination of medias.

Confidence is key to so many things but that gives a flavour.

Please take a look at the testimonials on the home page or contact me for more information